Sex after Sixty: Part 2, Men

Today, on the run up to Valentine’s Day, our topic is Sex after Sixty. I thought that was a catchy title. But as we’ve mentioned before, changes in our sexuality often begin in midlife. So, we could actually title this ‘sex after fifty.’ This topic is worthy of a book, but for now, this is the second of two short articles. Last week we had a focus on women, this week on men.

Some time in their forties, many men may begin to notice changes in sexual functioning. It may become harder to get and keep an erection. Erections may not happen spontaneously and may require more physical stimulation. By your fifties, morning erections may become infrequent and libido may not be as strong as it used to be. And once you get into your sixties and seventies, it may be quite difficult to get an erection at all, and sexual desire may be low. For most, though by no means all, men in this age group, morning erections are now a thing of the past.

Several factors may contribute to this decline in sexual functioning. For good erections, you need a good penile blood supply, a well-functioning parasympathetic nervous system and good levels of testosterone. Being overweight or obese, especially if you have a big belly, plays a part in diminishing sexual functioning. There is a cascade of hormonal alterations that accompany obesity, including lowered testosterone. Lowered penile blood flow is also seen in obesity, for a variety of complex reasons. If you have diabetes, neuropathy may contribute to erectile dysfunction, and there may also be damage to the small blood vessels that supply your penis.

But the sexual changes of age are not all about gloom and doom, nor is erectile dysfunction inevitable. Celebrate your new ability to slow down, to be receptive, to take the time to make sure your partner is pleasured. Sex after sixty is certainly quite different from sex at twenty-five, but there is much to appreciate in your greater maturity.

 Here are five ways you can support your sexual functioning in your elder years.

First, because your sexual functioning is complex and involves a healthy vascular system and good neuroendocrine health, it’s crucial to make sure you have a healthy lifestyle. Having a good exercise plan is vital, both while you are still working and after retirement. Include a variety of different types of exercise—walking, hiking, biking, dancing, yoga, Chi Gung, as well as any sports you like to play. Exercise is supposed to be enjoyable, not a punishment! And for your hormonal balance, you also need good sleep and some times of relaxation throughout the day. Make sure you have a heart-healthy diet with plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, seeds and olive oil. By including Ayurvedic foods like kichari in your diet, you get the benefit of special herbs like turmeric, cumin and cinnamon to support the health of your blood vessels and hormones.

Secondly, you can’t take sex for granted the way you could when you were young. Take the time to explore and enquire, learning more about the full richness of erotic life that you might have missed out on in your youthful eagerness. There are many great resources but  I’ll mention a couple of books: The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know, and The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The path of sacred sexuality for western lovers by Margo Anand.

Thirdly, sex is an art, and just like any other art, it requires practice. Just as you need to practice scales to play music, you need a daily practice to support your sexual functioning. If you have a sedentary job or lifestyle, your PC muscles may be weak. Be sure to do thirty Kegels a day to maintain PC muscle strength, which helps you have control over your orgasm. And add the Taoist exercise Male Deer to your daily sexual energy practice as well. By delving into the books I’ve suggested, you’ll learn other practices you can add on a daily or weekly basis.

Fourthly, be mindful of your prostate health. By now you may have noticed lower urinary tract symptoms such as getting up at night to urinate, urinating more frequently than you used to, or having to rush to the toilet. These are typically symptoms of an enlarged prostate, which is usually benign but can sometimes be cancerous. Be sure to see a doctor to look into lower urinary tract symptoms and make sure there is nothing of concern. You can also see an Ayurvedic doctor for herbs to support prostate health. On a self-care basis, your Kegel exercises and Male Deer are beneficial for your prostate. To take it a step further, we recommend a weekly prostate massage with castor oil. Using a rubber glove or latex finger cot, lubricate around your anus with castor oil, then insert your gloved finger into your anus, reach up to where you feel the smooth bulge of your prostate, and massage it gently with castor oil.

Fifth, safe sex is still important, even when you are older. STIs are a significant problem among the elderly population. If you are dating or change partners, you need to use a condom to protect yourself and your partner from sexually transmitted diseases such as genital herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, genital warts, hepatitis B, syphilis, and HIV. It may seem intimidating to use a condom when you have concerns about your erection, but it is still essential. Maintain stimulation while rolling on the condom, or make it a part of foreplay, by asking your partner to help you.

An Ayurvedic doctor may be very helpful if you have concerns about sexual functioning. There is a whole branch of Ayurveda, vajikarana, devoted to supporting the sexual health and potency of older men. Next week, we’ll take a peek at those teachings, discussing special aphrodisiac foods that can help boost your libido and improve your sexual functioning.

Alakananda Ma M.B., B.S. (Lond.) is an Ayurvedic Doctor (NAMA) and graduate of a top London medical school. She is co-founder of Alandi Ayurveda Clinic and Alandi Ayurveda Gurukula in Boulder Colorado, as well as a spiritual mother, teacher, flower essence maker and storyteller. Alakananda is a well known and highly respected practitioner in the Ayurveda community both nationally and internationally.

Enliven your holistic health! Visit Alakananda Ma in Alandi Ashram’s ayurvedic clinic to support the overall rejuvenation of your body, mind, and spirit. In-person and virtual appointments available. Book now!