Sex after Sixty: Part 1, Women

Today, on the run up to Valentine’s Day, our topic is Sex after Sixty. I thought that was a catchy title. But as we’ve mentioned before, changes in our sexuality often begin in midlife. So, we could actually title this ‘Sex After Fifty.’

 This topic is worthy of a book, but for now we’ll do two short articles, this week with a focus on women and next week on men.

While it’s not an absolute rule, many women begin to notice issues with libido and sexuality from menopause on. A number of factors contribute to this. First, general health. If there are problems with low thyroid, blood sugar issues, poor sleep, stress, or lack of energy, this may well lead to low libido. Weight gain may make a woman unsure of her attractiveness, while back or hip problems may complicate the choice of sexual position. Second, of course, menopause itself, and its accompanying hormonal changes, have a dramatic effect on libido and sexual functioning. There may be partner issues as well. Your partner may be having their own concerns with libido and sexual functioning, leading to a falling away of sexual contact. Or you may not have a partner, leading to sporadic sexual encounters, which further complicates things.

Yet it’s by no means all gloom and doom. As an older woman, you have had time to mature sexually, to overcome shyness and inhibitions and to heal from sexual trauma.  In many ways, your sixties could be your sexual prime, with no concerns about pregnancy or fertility, and with deeper levels of self-knowledge. And if you are in a long-term marriage or partnership, you’ve had time to mature together. Sex after sixty can unfold in wonderful ways in the context of a loving life-partnership. That being said, it’s important in a long-term relationship to avoid sameness and staleness in your sexual life by continuing to explore and develop. But that is a topic for another day!

Because libido problems may result from general health issues, it’s important to see an Ayurvedic Doctor for a pulse check and to get recommendations for your overall health, as well as getting a checkup with your doctor. If chronic stress is depleting you, look at how you can reorganize your life to allow more time for rest, relaxation and self-care.  Meanwhile, here are a few tips for working with your sexuality during menopause and your post-menopausal years.

First, you can’t take your readiness for sexual activity for granted the way you could when you were twenty-five. This is especially true if you don’t have a regular sexual partner, or if you and your partner are only sexually active sporadically. ‘Use it or lose it’ is a great motto. If you aren’t having a weekly sexual encounter, you need to be sure to do weekly practices on your own. Your PC muscles will become lax and your vagina thinned and contracted if you don’t stay in practice. As we’ve mentioned before, do thirty Kegels a day to keep your PC muscles in shape. This will help with other post-menopausal issues like stress incontinence as well. And have a regular practice of cultivating your sexual energy. I generally like to recommend the Jade Egg practices as taught by Saida Desilets. You can purchase her ‘Jade Egg Essentials,’ which includes the egg itself, a book that explains how to use the Egg and a CD that talks you through the practice. (I’m not getting commission on this; just sharing something I have found helpful.) One could do Jade Egg daily, but twice a week is a good minimum. This practice will help to keep your vagina supple and improve the blood supply to your yoni.

If you want to continue having vaginal sex with a male partner, it’s helpful to use a penis-sized object vaginally on a weekly basis. Of course, that could be a vibrator or a dildo. But why not use something that has inherent healing properties and is full of antioxidants? In the Taoist White Tigress tradition of sexual health, a cucumber yoni cleanse is performed weekly to maintain a clean, fresh-smelling yoni and healthy vaginal microbiome. The part of the cucumber to be inserted vaginally is peeled to allow the healing juices to seep into the vagina, while the lower part is left unpeeled to serve as a handle.

Vaginal dryness is a major issue for most post-menopausal women. It’s important to nourish the vagina to help encourage the needed juiciness. This can be done by applying a medicated ghee, Shatavari Ghee, vaginally each night. You can also eat a teaspoon of Shatavari Ghee each day, to support libido and sexual functioning. Another product that can help vaginal lubrication is Bezwecken DHEA Ovals, which are inserted twice a week. Be sure to use the plain DHEA ovals that are estrogen and progesterone-free. One could use the DHEA ovals twice a week and Shatavari ghee the rest of the time. Shatavari ghee is also a good sexual lubricant.

 If you don’t have a long-term partner and are dating, it’s important to practice safe sex. This means that, even though pregnancy is no longer a concern, a condom is still needed. Your thinner vaginal wall means that you are more susceptible to contracting STIs such as gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia and HIV. Of course, don’t use shatavari ghee or any oil-based lubricant with a latex condom.

In a subsequent article, we’ll talk about aphrodisiac foods that can help boost your libido. For now, remember that a good lifestyle, healthy, balanced diet, good sleep and sufficient exercise are as important for your sexual health as for your overall longevity.

 I hope this helps you to enjoy your elder years as a special type of sexual prime.

Alakananda Ma M.B., B.S. (Lond.) is an Ayurvedic Doctor (NAMA) and graduate of a top London medical school. She is co-founder of Alandi Ayurveda Clinic and Alandi Ayurveda Gurukula in Boulder Colorado, as well as a spiritual mother, teacher, flower essence maker and storyteller. Alakananda is a well known and highly respected practitioner in the Ayurveda community both nationally and internationally.

Enliven your holistic health! Visit Alakananda Ma in Alandi Ashram’s ayurvedic clinic to support the overall rejuvenation of your body, mind, and spirit. In-person and virtual appointments available. Book now!